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Posted on | November 25, 2008 | No Comments

I stopped blogging somewhere around the Northeast.  I was going through Brooklyn, intimacy, and seafood withdrawal.  I had a long conversation with a good friend of mine last night.  He was asking me about the tour and where I was (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) from the beginning of the tour to today.  What poured out of my mouth surprised even me.

If I’d been told all that I’d have to endure physically on the tour, I probably wouldn’t have gone on it.  And that’d be a shame.  On top of that, so many political, cultural, social and ideological differences have come up amongst the few of us on the tour bus that there have been times I questioned my ability to relate at all – “Hell,” I thought, “I am not even remotely interested in living in the kinda world they seem to want!”  “How contradictory is it that I be a part of this mission?!”

I spent one solid conversation with him, in the early part of the tour, complaining, doubting, cursing myself… In this conversation, nearing the end of the tour, my heart spoke.

Naima and Alixa (Climbing PoeTree) are living breathing expressions of Faith and Love – literally.  I haven’t met very many people whose values are daily practices.  And just as they are offering themselves as examples of that possibility for me, I am their witness.  I believe it is my responsibility in this particular life experience to bear witness to how people can spread seeds of love and faith – building forests of immoveable, interlocked, supportive oak trees.  After this tour I will, with newfound faith and unmatched assuredness, be able to profess my promise that ANYTHING is possible on mountaintops, stages, desktops, and subway platforms.

And just as I am finally making peace with my choice to abandon all that I knew and go on this crazy national tour (4 stops before the end), I also am able to heal a long standing wound that was created in arguably the most important relationship in my adult life.  It was a converging of conversations, moments, book excerpts, and longing that brought on the overwhelming desire to shore up that place I’d held open for anger, pain, jealousy, and distrust to dock.

So I text Him, for the first time with nothing but love in my heart.  And He text me back.

Without needing to go into detail, I can finally say that I am free to love again.

Hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, tornadoes, cyclones, typhoons, fires, droughts… these things remind us to connect, share, love, and treasure.  This tour has been my natural disaster – offering pain and solace, fright and courage, damage and security, loss and unbelievable contributions.  I cannot fathom how much I have transformed.  I hope everyone is around to see me shake off cocoon remnants and spread my beautifully marked wings, fluttering to an unknown new paradise.

Ashe!

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